Love yourself first

I absolutely love the saying, "Love yourself first" because it is so true. You need to learn how to love yourself before you can fully love anybody else. My entire life I've struggled with the accepting and loving myself and it always brings struggle into my relationship with my husband and others close to me.The root of this problem goes so deep into my past that it's a constant battle inside my soul to accept myself and all of my flaws. The foundation of my recovery starts with my relationship with Jesus.
Through Him, I'm finding peace with my past, healing of my scars, proud of my present and hope for my future. I trust in Him and put it all in His hands. His acceptance of me is not based on my perfection. My value and worth is not based upon what I think of myself, its based on the value He put on me by what he has done for me. Jesus grounds me with his overwhelming love for me even through all my scars and every wrong I've committed in my life.
Through Him I am free to be myself and love myself, through Him I can love others.
I definitely have not mastered this concept. There are days where I find myself back to square one, where I'm feeling like nothing I'm doing is right, being attacked with my own anxiety, but I turn to Him and He brings me peace with myself. Through Him, I am on the road to recovery.  I'm slowly becoming a better mother to my daughter and a better wife to my husband from his restoration of my self worth.
              To wrap things up, if you're seeing that you aren't being the person you want to be, feeling broken, or at constant battle with yourself to the point it effects your relationships with others, don't be afraid to turn to Him. You will find healing, peace, love and self-restoration with Him. 

Homemade Vanilla Chai Tea Lattes!

I got sick and tired of paying 4 dollars for a Vanilla Chai Tea latte from Starbucks, so  I went on a hunt to create my own at home. I found something at Publix that is awesome! It's not quite as sweet as the Starbucks version, but just add some sweetener or more vanilla simple syrup and cinnamon and its pretty dang close.

Here is what I used...

This stuff is awesome and organic, which I love! It was only $4.99 at Publix and makes about 8 lattes. Just pour a half and cup and add equal parts milk. Sweeten and play with the spices until you get your perfect tasting vanilla chai tea latte!

Back from a break

   Its been over a month since my last post, unfortunately. November was a crazy busy month for me. My best friend Jackie had flown down from California and visited for a week. It was so nice to just hang out and feel like a "normal" 20 year old. I enjoyed the deep girly talks you can only have with your best girlfriend. We laughed our butts off, cried, and watched a whole season of American Horror Story. Everyone needs that one friend to do that with, besides your significant other. It went by way to fast. It's amazing having someone who your so close to live across the country, and go for a year not seeing them then when you finally see them again it's like they were never even gone.

It was also my 20th birthday! My husband took me to breakfast, then we went to get my tattoo done. I had lost my ID so I ended up not getting it done until about two weeks later. After not getting my tattoo done we thought we would take the baby to the mall with us and go shopping, then drop her off at my mother-in-laws job in Tampa so we could go to dinner. We had driven the hour drive to Tampa to find out she got off of work early and was all the way back by our house. We then had to turn around and drive almost all the way back with a screaming baby who wanted out of the carseat. We then drove all the way back to Tampa yet again finally went shopping at the mall and went to a romantic dinner. We finished the night off by be the seeing the new Hunger Games movie. The day started out a bit stressful but it ended up being a great birthday.

Then the next day was Thanksgiving. We woke up early and picked up Emerie from my mother-in-laws house and headed to Walmart to get ingredients to make sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie (procrastinators, I know).  They both came out great, so I'll post the recipes below. It was also Emerie's first Thanksgiving. We got her all dressed up in a sweater and leggings. She looked so adorable. I'm so thankful for my happy and healthy baby.  She has changed my life for the better in so many ways. I never knew truly knew how to be self-less until I became a mother. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I thank the Lord everyday for her and my Husband.

Well, my break is over and I'm ready to get back on my blogging grind!

Sweet Potato Yam Casserole Recipe

Pumpkin Pie Recipe

Body Image and Getting Into Shape

   So, it's a given that pregnancy and being in a happy and comfortable relationship has taken its toll on my body. I've been motivated to get back into shape by dieting and getting gym passes (and actually go) ;). I finally got through my head that out of all the things in my life I can't control, my weight and my own image of my body IS something I actually can control. It doesn't matter how much money or time I have. It is my own actions that will get me results. There are no excuses.
   Body image is something I've always struggled with and is something I think all women have struggled with at one or another point in their life. I come from a family where staying in shape is a huge deal and gaining a few pounds here and there is unacceptable. I grew up thinking this is how I have to look to be beautiful. No matter how skinny I got, I always managed to find flaws in my body after seeing a girl who was skinnier or more "perfect" then me.
  When I met my husband I was around 110 pounds and still thought I wasn't skinny enough. When I look back now, I would kill to be 110 pounds again.  My husband did something I'd never felt before. He made me feel beautiful and constantly reassured me how beautiful I was. I got more and more comfortable with him and with myself. I put on some weight and then got pregnant and put on some more. My husband still reassures me telling me that I'm beautiful. He has been so supportive in helping me accept my body image. But just because I accept my body and doesn't mean I don't want to improve it and or get healthy. So i'm determined to turn things around and fall back in love with my body.

                                 Goals

1.  Lose 10 pounds in 8 weeks
2. Lose 20 pounds in 16 weeks
4. Stay at 1200 calories a day
5. Hit the Gym 5 days a week
6. Be able to run a mile in 6 minutes
7. Tone up
8. Get strong
9. Make a healthy lifestyle change

10. Reach my goal weight by May 2014!

11/11/11

It's about an hour until the 2 year anniversary of Jorgie's and I's engagement. We don't really do anything to celebrate it, but we do acknowledge it and make an effort to spend quality time with each other that day. I think that's important to any relationship. Reminiscing memories of special days you've shared with each other and letting one other know that you still remember. Since its almost the anniversary of my engagement, I might as well share the story....
It was 11/11/11 and we both had the day off of work, my plan was to lay in bed all day but Jorgie insisted that we get up and drive to Downtown Disney for dinner and to just hang out. He was so enthusiastic about going that I forced myself to get up and get dressed. On the way there, we kept pulling over so Jorge could "use the bathroom",  I felt bad and thought he was sick. I was completely unaware that he kept stopping so he could check the ring. I guess he was afraid of losing it. On the GPS it said that our destination was Downtown Disney, but we ended up pulling up to the parking gate of Magic Kingdom. Jorgie proceeded to ask for directions, then all the sudden he pulled out his wallet and paid for parking. I was so excited!! I love Disney and it is basically my favorite place on Earth. That night Disney was holding the Very Merry Christmas party, so the castle was all lit up with Christmas lights, it was so beautiful.  On the tram to the park, Jorgie was singing love songs to me and being so romantic. I was oblivious from excitement to what he was about to do. Finally we got into the park and Jorgie asked me if I wanted a picture in front of Cinderella's castle. Of course I wanted one, so I went to pull out my cell phone but Jorge quickly stopped me and asked one of the photographers to do it. I was surprised since I know how expensive those pictures are. As we posed for the picture, Jorgie dropped down to one knee, pulled out the ring, and began to explain to me how much I meant to him until he finally asked me to marry him. I was so shocked and happy I could barely get the word, "Yes!" out of my mouth. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. It is one of those moments that alter your life forever. I was only 17, two weeks away from being 18 but I knew I wanted to marry him more than anything in the world. He was and still is my world. The rest of the night was so beautiful and romantic. We might have missed our dinner reservation...but I didn't care. It was the most wonderful night of my life up until then.
2 years later we are married and parents of our beautiful daughter. We have a beautiful marriage. Yes, we have our ups and downs but we work through it. When something is broke we fix it. We make sure we communicate and always make time for each other. But most importantly we work towards putting God at the center of our marriage. Without Him our marriage wouldn't be nearly as strong. Sometimes we mess up, but by Gods grace and through His strength we are able to work and get through anything. Having Jesus at the center of our marriage will be the foundation of how our love will continue to grow for the next 50 years.

Growing into motherhood

I've been a mother now for about 11 weeks and let me just start off by saying that they aren't kidding about how hard it is. Between waking up in the middle of the night to feed and rock back to sleep to the late afternoon crying spells where nothing will soothe her. These last 3 months have taught me patience will play a huge role in motherhood. It has been an a major life adjustment as well. Having to grab two carts to grocery shop, and only after feeding her and making sure she is completely content. Same thing for going out to dinner or lunch, we have to make sure she is sleeping and full or just full and content. Even finding the time to clean the house and do the laundry is a struggle because she constantly wants to be in my arms (which I love most of the time). But I feel that is what parenthood is all about. Putting your child's' needs before your own. I don't mind not being able to keep up with the house, I don't mind taking over an hour to make dinner, or not having the freedom that I'm used to. She is worth it. Being her mother is worth it. When i'm exhausted after a rough night and wake up to her smile at me, my world stops. I completely forget about the night before. When she coos at me, or when her eyes meet mine it doesn't matter that I couldn't do laundry. Holding her in my arms knowing that she won't always be this small and that she is constantly growing makes me slow down and appreciate her needing me. Growing into motherhood and accepting that things will never be the same as they were before she entered my life is a beautiful lesson and I love everyday of it. Thank you Jesus for this beautiful daughter.

Here is a poem that warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes:

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.


Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).



The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Being a mother and a wife at 19 years old...

      My name is Kristina Gari, I'll be 20 years young in just about 2 weeks. I'm a wife and just have recently become a mother to a beautiful little girl. Interestingly, I was married for about 5 months before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter which I feel is rare to see now since at my age it's usually the other way around. I got engaged to my husband when I was 17 years old when I was a senior in High School. We both are Christian and felt it would be best to get married before moving in together before starting college. Being in High School wearing an engagement ring and NOT being pregnant earned me a lot of funny looks and snarky remarks from my classmates.  I would find myself having to defend my decisions to people who didn't even know me. It bothered  me deeply that people just couldn't accept my decision or at least keep their comments to themselves. People made my decision to get married at young age was like sentencing myself to prison, I would constantly get told things like; "Don't you want to go to college?" , "Do you really think it's going to last?", "Don't you want to live your OWN life before getting married?", as if getting married was going to make things like going to college and finding my own identity impossible. I kept my head held up high and graduated high school while working almost 40 hours a week saving money for wedding and getting our own place. I had already made the decision that I would put college off for a year, I needed a mental break from events that happened to me that year. I graduated high school in June 2012 and was married July 20th, 2012. Everything was moving so fast in my life. I felt such a sense of pride being able to graduate high school, pay for a wedding, work 35 hours a week, and get my own place by the age of 18. Growing up fast was something I was always accustomed to. I enjoyed married life with my husband for about 5 months. We had the ability to go wherever we wanted whenever we wanted. We would stay up all night and sleep in. We could hang out with friends and family however late we wanted. We could go on dates whenever we wanted. We just lived a normal young adults life with the exception of being married. But that all changed on December 8th, 2012 when I found out I was pregnant. I had taken a pregnancy test two days prior that had said negative but still felt like I had to be. I woke up in the morning two days later expecting to see negative results, so when I saw those two little pink lines I got a feeling I didn't know existed. I felt scared, unprepared, excited, and most of all blessed. I walked into our bedroom white as a ghost holding the test, crying. My husband wasn't convinced though. We left the house in our pajamas and headed to Walgreens and bought more tests. It was not my proudest moment buying pregnancy tests crying in front of a cashier. All of the tests were positive. A few weeks later we got confirmation from a doctor. So many things were going through my mind at once. Would I be a good mother? Can I be selfless? Can I put my childs' needs before my own? Would they have a good life? Could I provide? I had just quit my job a week before I found out I was pregnant. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. But our God is faithful. My husband got blessed with a job that gave me that ability to focus on staying home with our baby. I was around 20 weeks pregnant when I was in the hospital with abdominal pain when I received the ultrasound discovering our baby was going to be a little girl. It is one of best surprises life could give you. 21 weeks later and 8 hours of painful labor later, I met her. The absolute love of my life. It was absolutely the best and most powerful moment of my life. It might sound cliche, but you experience a new love that is so deep you never knew. It is the most alive you could ever feel. Her eyes meeting mine for the first time was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I have only been a mother for 11 weeks now and I love her more with every passing day. I'm truly blessed to have the opportunity to stay at home and watch her grow, not missing a precious moment. I love being her mother, the person she trusts and needs. Being passionate about being a mother and a wife at such a young age inspired me to start a blog and to hopefully reach out to other young women who might be going through the same thing and hopefully meet other women who have been on a journey similar to mine. I don't regret any of the decisions I have made in my life and am so happy where they have taken me. I am looking forward to making new friends and reading others stories while sharing my own.